she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
