I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
