just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
