Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
