Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
