Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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