someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
