I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
