and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
