her vagine was all disorganized.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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