super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
