we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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