Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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