I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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