Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
