I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
