Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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