Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
