Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
