Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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