that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize