Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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