Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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