I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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