im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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