matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
