I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
