I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
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