i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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