I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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