just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
