Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
