Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
