Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
