just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
