Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
