Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
