I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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