remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
