so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
