a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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