Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
