It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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