We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
vagina is talking i cant
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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