hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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