yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
