i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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