i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
