whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
