who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
that may or may not have been my penis.
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