tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
