You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just found puke in my bra..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
