i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
porn star boner night. come get it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
