god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
