Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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