Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
