im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
