My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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