I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it's like heaven, but drunker
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize