dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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