sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
