Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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