life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
time to smoke my breakfast
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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