i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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