around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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