when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
