The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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