We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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