i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
