Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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