he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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