Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
