he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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