Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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