what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
