I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
