You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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