They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
