I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
did you just send me my own nude
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
