there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
