her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
