I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
