how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
