is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize