Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
