Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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